It hurts me to see other people upset. It makes me upset. Sometimes just being completely overwhelmed and lost in what is happening can cause people to break down. To cry. To vent. To collapse. And it always happens at the most inopportune times. Believe me, I’ve been there. The amount of times that I’ve broken down or been overly stressed or worked myself up about something just because it makes me nervous is incredible. But it happens to the best of us. Being overwhelmed is natural. It means that you are putting emotion into everything that you do. It means that you are caring about the different aspects of your life. It means that your head knows what it wants to accomplish, but your mind doesn’t necessarily know how to get there. Eventually, your mind will catch up with your head.
So be stressed out. It just means you care. It means that you’re working toward something incredible. Don’t be embarrassed by the breakdowns. Embrace them. Laugh at them. Smile to yourself. Then see who is there to help you and accept that help to pick up the pieces.
Listening to other people who are seeing you at your worst can be hard, but keep an open mind.
Our worst enemy is not always an individual person in our lives. It isn’t the girl in high school who you didn’t get along with or your boss that makes your life difficult. It isn’t the ref who made a bad call, making you lose the game or your in-laws that nitpick each aspect of your life. Instead, that enemy may be a feeling inside of you. Your own brain may be getting in the way of your own success.
I know that the little devil on your shoulder grows and grows until it isn’t so little anymore. It yells at you. It hurts you. And at times, it feels like it is crushing you. But it isn’t, doesn’t, and won’t ever. If you have the courage to remind yourself how amazing you are, that devil will shrink again. If you have the courage to remind yourself how many people care about you, that devil will shrink. And if you have the courage to believe that positivity can spur from anywhere and anything, that devil will shrink.
You are not alone in these feelings. Everyone has their enemy. I know that I have mine. But if you have the strength to keep going – even on those days when the world is spinning – you will gain control. You have the power to change your life and, whether you realize it or not, are in complete control. And if you feel like you’re tumbling, then it’s okay to fall. Just don’t let that voice in your head keep you from standing back up. It may be hard to conquer your enemy, but you can do it. I can do it. And you don’t have to do it alone.
“We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day.” – Brad Meltzer
Some people have the ability to change your mood entirely. There are those select few in your life that make you so happy just by being around you – the ones that don’t have to say anything, but their presence makes everything better. Those are the people you need to keep around.
Yes, you should ultimately be the one making yourself happy. You are the one who is in charge of your own emotions, after all. But having those positive influences in your life provides good energy. It provides other outlooks of happiness for you to relate to and feed off of. Happiness is contagious. That is a fact.
I am lucky enough to have found these people. My friends are some of the most supportive people I have ever met in life. Both at school and at home, I have managed to surround myself with beautiful people that I truly care about. They make me smile and always know what to say in every situation. I would be an entirely different person without them. I am forever thankful for the kindness they give and the happiness they bring.
Find your people. Look for the individuals who make you feel good about yourself and are all around positive lights. There is nothing better than knowing that there are people that you can count on and that they feel that they can count on you.
Look up at the stars tonight with the people that mean something to you and wish for true happiness. Then go make it happen.
It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to cry. It’s alright to not understand the emotions that you are feeling. I know I don’t understand them, especially right now.
I am the worst person when it comes to goodbyes. I cry nearly every single time that I have to say goodbye to someone, even if I know that it won’t be long until I see them next. It’s definitely an inherited trait and not necessarily the most fun one. I hate them. That’s that. Goodbyes are the worst. The worst part is that I don’t know how to make them any better. I can sit here and tell myself over and over again that I really want to be here and that saying goodbye is just something that has to happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make me feel any better about leaving.
I realize that I sound like the biggest baby right now, but I’m kind of okay with that. Is there anything wrong with wanting to spend as much time with the people that you care about as possible? And is there anything wrong with having a hard time when that time is halted?
I want myself to be excited to be moving on to bigger and better things in my life, but it’s hard to be excited when something is holding you back. It’s even harder when what is holding you back is inside of your own head. Maybe I just need to find something to have hope in or something to really make me feel stronger and like I have more control. I think that’s why I don’t like goodbyes. It’s because I don’t have control over them. I am a planner and like to have control of even the little things that are happening in my life. Goodbyes make that harder. All control is tossed aside.
I just need to breathe and everything will be okay. I keep telling myself that. I need to calm myself down and recognize all of the good that is coming my way. There is always a silver lining, right? Maybe that’s why it’s a good-bye. You have to let go and say goodbye in order to let new things happen. It isn’t something that comes easily, but there is a part in all of us that is capable of moving along and getting through. We all have that strength in us. Finding it takes courage and that courage will get you through. Goodbyes don’t mean that something is ending. Goodbyes don’t mean that someone is leaving. Goodbyes are just life’s way of making room and telling you that you are ready. You are ready to find your strength and make waves in the world on our own.
Lately I’ve been much more self-reflective – some may even say introverted. It isn’t something that has happened on purpose, but it just kind of…happened. I’ve never been the one to sit back and watch while other people live their lives. It’s a nice view from here. Staying in the background, just taking it all in. Not stressing. Not stressing about what am I doing or why am I doing it, but just doing things because I want to.
Like writing this blog.
The other day when I told one lone soul about this blog, she said to me, “Make it about the ‘work’, not the show of the journey” and that’s what I intend to do. I’m happy that I can do it. Whether it makes any sense to me or not right now, writing random things out is helpful. It’s therapeutic, even if these are just random bits of wisdom that I try to make sense of. I’m doing it for myself.
Right now I really just want to be someone that I can be proud of. I don’t want to worry about the little things, but I want to be someone that fixes them calmly I want to be someone who can deal with the things that are going wrong when they go wrong. I want to be someone who stands up for herself because she has the confidence to do so.
That same soul told me that “this is just a documentation of whatever transformation might take place because of it”. I don’t know where this journey is going to take me. I don’t know what people will read this, if any. I don’t know what others will get from my thoughts. But it’s about the work that I learn from the journey and not making a show of the journey in and of itself.
I could wake up to the sound of waves crashing just outside my window. I could sip coffee on the porch in the early afternoon looking out over the lake. I could scurry through a crowded city headed from one meeting to the next with new and eager clients. I could stand on stage and sing my heart out as there is a low murmur from the audience singing along with me. I could watch the lightbulb go off for a student who finally understands the main idea during class. I could travel from city toI’m not quite sure what I want to do with my life, but there are so many options that I’m not sure how to decide.
When I was little, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to be Hillary Duff. I wanted to sing in front of huge crowds and belt out the lyrics to catchy songs while all of the fans screamed them back with me, covering each note of every melody. Two days later, I wanted to write my own book about a turtle who was constantly going on adventures with all of his animal friends. The next month, I wanted to create my own clothing line, swim professionally, and be a professional ice cream taste-tester all at once. I wanted to do so many different things.
I still want to do so many different things. The only issue now is that this particular concept can seem impossible.
For the past few years it has been clear to me and to everyone around me what path I am going to take for my future. I am sure that I will find this career to be extraordinarily rewarding and that I will be 100% happy doing it. But part of me thinks of what other avenues I can venture down. Society wants me to figure out exactly what I will do with the rest of my life right now, or at least it seems that way. I’m nervous that I’ll make a mistake or that I already have. That’s a shame. What is an even bigger shame is that it is often frowned upon to do too many things and not just focus on one. I’ve always been told that it isn’t helpful in life to be a “jack of all trades and master of none, but what if that’s what I want? Or maybe even to prove the entire system wrong and strive to be a master of multiple? I surely hope that that isn’t a crime. Right now, I’m not ready to only do one thing. That is something that I know to be fact. I want to be motivated enough to master a few things that I really love and prove parts of society wrong.
Maybe someday, whether it be in the near future or quite a ways off in the distance, I’ll figure it out. I’ll figure out just what I was meant to do. And who knows, maybe I will prove that we can do everything that we love. It can’t be impossible. It isn’t impossible.
“It’s okay to be a glow stick. Sometimes we need to break before we shine.”
Each morning when I wake up, I don’t expect things to go wrong in my day. I don’t expect the worst. I don’t expect to break. But it turns out, breaking isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Everyone breaks. Whether it be breaking down, breaking hearts, breaking dreams, or just breaking for no reason, it happens to everyone. And it happens every single day.
Do we want to break? Most people would say no. Breaking can bring pain or sadness. And I don’t think that we want to break either, but I do think that we need to. Everyone needs to break at some point. For without breaking, there is not the happiness that follows. That means that it’s alright to break down. It’s alright to have a bad day. Those days make the next ones better. When you overcome the breaking, the shining is waiting for you.
There is nothing better than knowing that a struggle was conquered and we are better for overcoming such situations. We are stronger. We are more worldly. Isn’t that the point? It’s all about that balance.
So let yourself break. I dare you to conquer and shine.