Hello to Good-byes

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It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to cry. It’s alright to not understand the emotions that you are feeling. I know I don’t understand them, especially right now.

I am the worst person when it comes to goodbyes. I cry nearly every single time that I have to say goodbye to someone, even if I know that it won’t be long until I see them next. It’s definitely an inherited trait and not necessarily the most fun one. I hate them. That’s that. Goodbyes are the worst. The worst part is that I don’t know how to make them any better. I can sit here and tell myself over and over again that I really want to be here and that saying goodbye is just something that has to happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make me feel any better about leaving.

I realize that I sound like the biggest baby right now, but I’m kind of okay with that. Is there anything wrong with wanting to spend as much time with the people that you care about as possible? And is there anything wrong with having a hard time when that time is halted?

I want myself to be excited to be moving on to bigger and better things in my life, but it’s hard to be excited when something is holding you back. It’s even harder when what is holding you back is inside of your own head. Maybe I just need to find something to have hope in or something to really make me feel stronger and like I have more control. I think that’s why I don’t like goodbyes. It’s because I don’t have control over them. I am a planner and like to have control of even the little things that are happening in my life. Goodbyes make that harder. All control is tossed aside.

Breathe.

I just need to breathe and everything will be okay. I keep telling myself that. I need to calm myself down and recognize all of the good that is coming my way. There is always a silver lining, right? Maybe that’s why it’s a good-bye. You have to let go and say goodbye in order to let new things happen. It isn’t something that comes easily, but there is a part in all of us that is capable of moving along and getting through. We all have that strength in us. Finding it takes courage and that courage will get you through. Goodbyes don’t mean that something is ending. Goodbyes don’t mean that someone is leaving. Goodbyes are just life’s way of making room and telling you that you are ready. You are ready to find your strength and make waves in the world on our own.

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