I lay awake tonight thinking about the things I could have said. What I could have done. How I could have acted. The words that I should have written. The way that I should have made others feel. The work that I should have put in. The conversations I should have cherished. The memories I should have held closer. The laughs I should have savored. The hugs that I should have embraced.
It’s easy to think of all of the things that I could have done. No one – not one single person – is perfect. I recognize that. I’m not saying that I expected myself to be flawless for the past years, but I wish I knew how long time lasted.
It’s 1:43 in the morning and that is what’s on my mind. The things that I could have done better and how I could have been a better version of myself, not just for me, but for the people around me – for my family and for my friends. My mind ticks with every second that passes and races knowing that there is so much going on in my own life and the lives of those around me.
Time is a complex thing. We never have enough of it when we want it most, but when we have too much of it, we never seem to be content. Some people just don’t get the amount of time that they deserve. Others don’t spend their time how they wish they had. I don’t want to look back at the time I’ve had and regret any of it. I want to know that I did everything that I could to be a positive impact. I want to know that I did everything that I could to make other people feel the happiness and love that they deserve. That’s how I want to see the relationships that exist in my life. Yes, they get complicated, but it’s the good people and the real experiences that make the time worth it.
I’m going to make my time count. Even right now, at 1:49 am when my eyes are swollen and my brain is overwhelmed, I’m going to make my time count. The relationships in our lives matter. Make sure of it.