A Night

I’m not one to want to discuss my story. I have made that very clear with the purpose of this blog. In my opinion, I should be able to write out the solutions and lessons that I learn and that should be enough to make myself feel more confident and better about whatever situation is happening.

Tonight is different. I am not exactly sure why, but it is. Something about it has come over me, and I don’t know how to make a lesson of it. I don’t know what the moral of the story is. So instead, I’m going to just say what’s on my mind.

I’m having a night. All of a sudden a huge wave of anxiety ran over me when I was sitting at work. Nothing in particular happened to spark it, but all of a sudden, I felt like I was crashing. I felt like my mind was racing from story to story but not understanding any of the plots along the way. I felt like I couldn’t understand what I was thinking. I felt anxious, uncomfortable, agitated, and more alone than I have felt in a long time. My stomach was turning in knots until I started to feel sick. These waves of uncertainty don’t happen too often, but when they do, the most agitating part is that I don’t know what brings them on. I don’t know the solution. I don’t know the answers.

I don’t like not knowing what to do. I don’t like not feeling in control of my situations. Yet I let those feelings affect me today.

I know I’m not alone. There is comfort in that. And you should know that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone either. No matter what your journey is, there is someone walking along side you, whether you know them or not. Take comfort in that. There is comfort in being able to admit to someone, even if I’m only typing it out onto the vast internet, that I’m not always okay. You don’t have to be okay for every second. But believe me, somehow you will be. You are not alone.