Just ‘Okay’

Someone asked me today how I’m always so happy? How 9 times out of 10 I’m smiling? How I can complain about something but really don’t mean it and be totally fine with everything?

I literally laughed out loud reading that off of my phone. That is the biggest lie I think anyone has ever said to me (well…pretty close, anyway). I try to be positive and happy, yeah, but NO WAY am I always that way. Honestly, it’s something that I seriously need to improve on.

Not even 30 minutes before I got that text was I really upset for absolutely no reason that I could put my finger on. I really couldn’t tell you why. It’s like random waves of insecurity or loneliness of anxiety come over me and they aren’t always easy to control. So many people have those feelings and that’s okay. So, to a certain extent, I don’t hide them. Of course there are ways that I cover them up or deal with them (God, I’m pretty much a professional at distracting myself – anyone who knows me knows that I can’t sit still), and they don’t happen everyday, but the weird days do come. Some are harder to get out of than others.

Anyone that says that they are happy all the time and smiling constantly or never complaining isn’t telling you the truth. Everyone experiences those emotions. It’s completely okay. And everyone rides those waves differently. That’s okay, too.

Sometimes it helps to look at things one step at a time, which, I know, is incredibly cliche. But just go from being upset or lonely or anxious to being “okay”. You don’t have to be great or fabulous or amazing – just okay.

Sometimes, being okay is enough, you know? What’s the point of life without the ups and downs? You aren’t really living if you don’t experience them. So, there are going to be times when you’re just okay. But it’s knowing that that feeling of “okay” is really alright and, honestly, perfectly fine. So, I’m okay with just being okay right now. There’s better things to come.